Last night we went to a dinner with a number of people – married and single and we were each given a question on a card to answer in front of everyone else – a little daunting, I must say. Keith’s question was “how could you have done ‘the proposal’ better?” He had told me the question would make me laugh and it certainly did!
You see, there was no proposal. There was merely a conversation late one night in the car when my beloved said to me “do you think we will get married?” and I replied “yes” and that was that. I have always teased Keith about his “romantic streak”. Could he have done the proposal better? Perhaps… but then as my ever practical son Michael once pointed out “is your marriage any the worse for an unromantic proposal?” That made me think. Funnily enough, this question sparked many conversations after the dinner and other wives told me that they had never received a “formal proposal”. One wife told me that once during a very long drive in the outback of Northern Territory, her male companion asked her what she was thinking about and she said “about marrying you”. He said “that is what I am thinking about the same thing”. That was the end of any further discussion but they got married and they are still married many years later . Driving home with our neighbours, we talked about those “courtship” days and what it had been like – there was much laughter as we reminisced on days long gone. Interesting, we all married in the early minimalist eighties.
“How did you meet and decide to get married?” is a question we ask often at the marriage courses we run. Without fail, we watch couples turn towards each other, smile, laugh and then reach out towards the other with a touch. It is beautiful to watch. It reminds me of a conversation I listened to recently on the radio in which Margaret Throsby interviewed a neurosurgeon Michael Besser. During the interview, music that he had selected is played and he briefly shares why he chose it. He had chosen the Beatles song “love, love me do” and this is what he said: “I have been married for forty-four years to my wife. When we met, it was when this song was a big hit and it has become “our” song. Whenever I hear it played, I get a good dose of serotonin released into my brain – this is the “feel good drug”. This is a song they listen to together often. As I listened to the song, I couldn’t help smiling as I thought about this couple who still love each other and are together after all those years.
It is a question worth pondering from time to time, particularly when you feel as if your marriage is going through a tough spot – what was it that you liked about your husband? what are some of those things you used to do together that were fun, that brought a smile to your face? Do you have a song that you associate with meeting your partner? Maybe you should listen to it. A release of serotonin might be just what is needed.
I have not written on this blog for a while. Not because I have not wanted to. It has been the stuff of life – it has filled my days and I continually put writing at the bottom of the pile. I love writing – even simply writing on this blog. I went for a walk with a wise woman who encouraged me to invest in self care a little more strenuously and set time aside to simply write. However, it has taken two weeks for me to heed this advice. But, it is a start. Now am off to the physio.