Blessings of an ordinary day

 

Last Sunday instead of going to church I took Keith to hospital.  My ordinary Sunday changed in an instant.  The emergency department is not a place I would ever choose to visit.   I was flooded with unwanted memories of my own visits as a patient to the same place as I sat beside Keith.  I had adrenalin flooding through my body and my ability to think clearly or logically vanished.  He is ok.  What he was experiencing was not life threatening, but needed to be checked out fairly urgently.

On going home, I started acting like a mad woman.  I went into de-clutter mode and emptied a large wooden storage box sitting in our bedroom and stuffed its contents into large garbage bags.  I emptied cupboards of old towels and sheets, found old clothes never worn and added them to a pile of “stuff” to pass on. I was not behaving normally.  My behaviour reminded me of a day almost 30 years ago when I heard news that my father had cancer.  I was home alone so I made gingerbread men.  As one does.  Why?  I can’t tell you, but I have never made a gingerbread man since.  It is weird what one does when facing the possibility, no matter how remote of losing someone precious.

Keith is fine.  He is completely fine.  But last Sunday, my body was behaving in a manner that showed me that I did not think I would be fine if something happened to him.  It made me think about lots of things – what do I think is important in life?  how do I spend my time?  how do I manage my own stress so that I don’t continue to behave like a mad woman?  One of the things I thought about was being thankful for the ordinary.

We take the ordinary for granted.  I wanted to have an ordinary Sunday last week.  When difficult things happen, no matter what it is – it might be being marooned in  a country town because of flooding (my daughter has been stuck in Moree this week), the death of a family member, the loss of a job, a sudden change of circumstances – we long for a return to something mundane and ordinary.

We even take things such as a good night’s sleep and  good health for granted and forget that they are blessings.   Mike Raiter preached at our church this morning and shared that the first thing he does each morning is thank God for a good night of sleep and his health.   After experiencing a time of ill-health, Mike has learnt to be thankful for these blessings.   It was a timely and challenging reminder.

I have recently discovered a wonderful singer Melanie Penn who is based in New York and downloaded her album called Wake up Love.  One of her songs is titled “Ordinary Day” in which she describes how God is there in the ordinary things of life that are mostly overlooked – the summer breeze, the fragrance of spring and the little things in life that are simply there.  She then says that God is still there in the sigh as all creation groans and waits – if we listen.  It is quite profound.  It is a song with a subtle message.

Until recently, I have been seduced by her beautiful voice and melodic tunes, but when you stop and listen – she is a thoughtful songwriter.   You can listen to some of the tracks on her website and buy it online – I did and have listened to it again and again – it was a find.  I have to say I love this album!

As I listened to it this morning, I remembered to thank God for the blessing of waking up each morning to an ordinary day, with not much happening at all.  A day filled with very ordinary things such as waking up from a night of sleep, my own good health, the opportunity to spend time at church, the possibility of  a walk with Keith in glorious sunshine,  and a cup of tea.

 

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Mother knows best

I came across this new book by Jill Murphy called Mother Knows Best – any mother knows this to be true, but it is a different matter convincing the children. In January I had my three year old niece Talia stay for four sleeps and this book resonated with me.  Talia started her day talking, asking questions constantly and ended with talking right up to when she put her head on the pillow and silence….blissful glorious silence.

One morning she told me very firmly that she didn’t need a plate for breakfast, so I told her that she could only have breakfast if she used a plate or a bowl.  “OK?”  It was not ok with her.  It was 7am and that was the start of numerous interactions, questions, demands and more questions.  It was exhausting and I found myself asking how did I survive my own children’s questions, endless questions?  And all that negotiation?

This book follows the many interactions between Bradley and his mother.  Most are mundane and ordinary but they are the fabric of the life of a mother with a small child at home.  Just about anything can turn into a major incident or a catastrophe without trying very hard.  By 8am on same day, I had told Talia to take a very deep breath to stop a major tantrum and it worked.  She then resumed asking me about something quite unrelated to her tears.

Bradley’s Mum uses books to calm her son, a spot of TV and numerous distractions and creative thinking.  I love her mug – it has “Keep calm and carry on” written on its side, and I do love how she says to herself “give me strength”.  She finally loses it and yells because “Mother Knows Best.  Ok?”  Bradley says “Ok” and off they go to the park.  Jill Murphy understands the dynamic between mothers and their children and she captures some moments beautifully.  I love Jill Murphy’s books, one her early books Five minute’s peace was read repeatedly – mostly with an air of wistfulness.

Yes, it is a story for mothers, but there is a message here too for the child – that their mother is not the only one who says that they can’t have cakes for breakfast, have a dinosaur for a pet or fly in a hot air balloon.  There are many times when the questions our children ask simply cannot be answered adequately.

This morning my youngest son aged 18 told me that he was not feeling too good and I suggested that a quiet day at home might be helpful.  The look he gave me said it all “why?” “what good will that do?”  I just wanted to say “Mother knows best. Ok?”

I have to keep telling myself that – even after all these years.

 

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Goodnight ipad

One of my favourite children’s books is called “Goodnight Moon” by Margaret Wise Brown.  This parody “Goodnight ipad” by Ann Droyd captures the plugged in world that our children live in today humorously and vividly.  I found it in the Blackheath Gleebooks and it made me laugh and laugh. Continue reading

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30 years young

In December Keith and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary.  I thought this was quite a milestone to reach until I met with some former neighbours.  In the same week as us, one celebrated 43 years, another 37 and the third their 40th.  This made me feel positively youthful!  We did a number of fun things together during our week away, one of them was to sit on this bench with books and watch several families of ducks use this pond.

In the last year, a number of books have been published about marriage.  I have not read them all, indeed I don’t even own them all.  The latest one, by Mark Driscoll, apparently talks about the importance of friendship in a marriage.  (See this interview with him in Christianity Today.)  According to him, not one of the 187 books that he and his wife read about marriage even mentioned the notion of friendship in marriage at all.  He said “If you have a solid friendship that you’re working on, the rest of the marriage is going to come together. The sex is going to get better. You’re going to work with your sin. You’re going to deal with tragedy in a way that is more hopeful than if you’re just business partners doing stuff together.”

John Gottman has written wisely about marriage – he has spent most of his life researching married couples and from his research he says that those marriages that last are the ones based on a deep friendship – couples actually like each other, they treat each other like good friends and when they have conflict they handle it in gentle positive ways.

Yes, we had a time of celebration, but marriage is not  about sitting in beautiful places, reading books and having pleasant times.  Eventually, we have to come home from celebrating and get on with the realities of life – some of them good, some of them not so good.  The quality of our marriage will not necessarily be enhanced by reading a book.  Indeed you could read the pile of marriage books sitting beside my desk and they might be encouraging, be inspiring, but in and of themselves they won’t change the fabric of your relationship.

Early in our marriage, Keith and I would take a book on marriage away on holidays each year to read and use to discuss our relationship.  This was not always helpful.  In fact, a couple of times it was positively unhelpful.  One holiday, I made the flippant suggestion that we abandon our book reading and simply have fun together.  Well, it worked a treat. We had a fabulous holiday and the few weeks of positivity helped us rediscover our friendship and enjoyment of each other.

One of the best things you can do to enhance or improve your marriage is to work on your friendship with your partner.  What do you like about them?  If that is to hard to answer, try and remember how you felt about them before you got married – remind yourself of those qualities that attracted you to each other.  Then, tell them what you appreciate about them.  What do you enjoy doing together?  Schedule time into your life doing some of these things – watching movies, a walk in the late afternoon, a coffee outing, reading a book together – these are the things that will help your friendship blossom.  It is  small things often that will make the difference.

Pray together each week day – just make it small – share what you are doing in your day and then pray.  While praying, give thanks to God for something about your partner.  This is a good habit to form.  If you have to work hard at thinking about something to be thankful for, it might be a warning sign that work needs to be done.

Small habits such as these will cumulatively work for good.  I am back home this week with no adult offspring in sight.  However, our lives will soon resume the chaos of normality and there is no room for complacency about a relationship as significant as my marriage.

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Frederick by Leo Lionni

This book was first published in 1967 and recently reissued.  This is the story of a chatty family of field mice. They all begin to prepare for winter by gathering corn, nuts, wheat and straw and work hard day and night.  All – except Frederick.  He is busy gathering the sun rays for the cold dark winter days, colours for “winter is grey”, and words “for the winter days are long and many, we’ll run out of things to say”.

It is Frederick’s gathering that enables this family of field mice to survive this long dark winter – he takes them into the world of blue periwinkles and red poppies.  The words are succinct, the illustrations are collages – simple and effective. This understated gem will introduce your children to words and ideas and is thoroughly engaging.

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To Kill a Mockingbird

I read To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee before Christmas, as it a set reading text for a course I am doing.  It was a glorious read – beautifully written, evocative, challenging, thought provoking – a thoroughly “good read”. I have seen the film adaptation many times but the book is better than the film which is saying a lot, as the film is awesome.

There is so much I could say about this book.  But if you want to learn about empathy or compassion, read this book.  Scout learns to climb into the skin of another and walk around “in their shoes”.  If you want to learn how to be a parent, read this book.  Atticus is a wise father and we can learn from his example.

I like Scout’s description of her father in the opening chapter: “Jem and I found our father satisfactory: he played with us, read to us, and treated us with courteous detachment.”  Atticus is a man who uses his words sparingly and when uttered, they are chewed over and heeded.  He is no helicopter parent who involved himself in the minutae of his children’s lives.  It is worth pondering what “courteous detachment” looks like.  I remember hearing Margaret Throsby interview an Australian poet who was reminiscing her childhood and how her parents had raised her.  She talked about their “benign neglect”.  This phrase captured my attention.  I am wondering if it is similar to the approach taken by Atticus.

Want to be a parent who raises children of empathy and compassion?  Read this book.  Encourage them to read it too when they reach an appropriate age.  You are bound to have more than one or two discussions.

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Fresh beginnings

I love the opportunity to start again. At the start of each new year, I have a list of “must dos” that usually include “must shed those wibbly wobbly bits, must improve my fitness…” I start bravely, with much determination but have generally lost all resolve by the end of the month.  I blow it again and again and am left feeling a little disappointed.   This is one of the truly remarkable things about forgiveness and grace – no matter how many times I stuff up, I can start again.

I had avoided making any commitments to forming any resolutions for this new year until one of my friends shared one of her highlights for 2011 – to watch more television and she had.  This friend had been particularly busy, so this was a way to make her slow down, but I laughed – don’t we all watch too much TV?  What an achievable goal!

It got me thinking about what I would like to achieve this year.  2012 has the potential to be different for me in many ways.  Keith has study leave in the second half of the year and we both have long service leave – I am planning on taking six months off work – to do different stuff.  It is one of those golden opportunities to spend time doing different things.  Here are some of my hopes and dreams for this coming year:

  1. Spend time writing.  At the moment I am doing an online writing course and having a ball – I do a lot of writing but it is not the sort of writing that I really want to write – ever since I was in High School, I have wanted to write and haven’t.  I never knew that I could have done a course in writing after High School and developed skills and confidence – it has simply lain dormant and buried.
  2. National year of reading – I would like to write about the books I read and the books I would love to read with children if still had small children – I spend a lot of time with my nose buried in a book – I would love to encourage others to read – this can be my effort towards this year of reading.  I read a most inspiring article about a new book written by Nicholas Carr, author of a book called The Shallows: what the internet is doing to our brains – “Don’t let technology stultify your brain – download a book” by Gail Rebuck, SMH, 2 January 2012.  One of the wonderful things about reading books is its ability to teach the reader about empathy.  Anyway, you can read the article for yourself if you are interested.  This goal means that I will spend time reading too.  So here’s to regular posts about what to read with your children and what you could read too – in all those spare moments.
  3. Marriage stuff – this is the year that Keith and I are planning on coming up with “something” to do with marriage.  It won’t be a book – three books have just been published about marriage in the last year, but a “package” that Pastors or educators can use locally with their community.  I have won a small scholarship that will pay for my airfare to England – we plan to spend some time away and read, think, brainstorm and come up with that magic “something” that can be used by others.
  4. Delighting in the Lord – I will share more about this in another post.  2008 was a year in which I spent time figuring out what this meant and what it looked like.  My resolve this year is to continue in this – it was a rich and deepening experience as I also battled with health related issues and delight did not come easily or naturally.
  5. Of course I would like to be fitter and trimmer – but this usually does not happen.  As Keith says “no pain, no gain”.
  6. In keeping with my friend’s resolve of a year ago about TV – I would love to watch more boxed DVD series.  I fell in love with Larkrise to Candleford and am now working my way through (dare I admit it The Waltons) and Mad Men.  This goal looks pretty achievable!

 

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Children’s books about books

I have come across some delightful children’s books about books. They have been given to me by my children – I think they have figured out that one of my many passions is children’s books.  My mother told me it was about time I became a grandmother, but I have no control over that one.  I enjoy the visits of young nieces and nephews and God-children.   Continue reading

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Lazy summer reading

I have to confess that I am seduced by book covers.  I look at them and they draw me in – perhaps I am a little frivolous!  Today is the first day of summer and I wish I still had these books to read on lazy summer days.  My daughter recently bought a hammock for the garden.  Already it is in hot demand – it is a wonderful place to hibernate with a book and cup of tea.

Alas, November was ridiculously busy, so I could only dream of such activity – it simply did not happen.  However, I managed to read all three of these books – mostly at night.  I still awaken at curiously odd hours in the night, so I put the light on and read and read until my active brain decides to call it quits.  It can take a while.  These books have been marvellous company:

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Jacarandas and remembering

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Posted in Gardens, My Life, Reflection | 2 Comments